1.REACH FOR THE SKY
There's this feeling inside,
That life's rolling by.
I lay upon the grass,
And look at the sky.
I hear the birds singing,
And the sound of the wind.
I soon discover,
I'm empty within.

I whisper my secrets,
To the sky.
And I think you should
Know this before I die.
That I'm wearing a mask,
I'm not what I seem.
I'm a cloud in the sky,
The mist in your dream.

There's this feeling inside,
That I shall fade.
I lay upon the grass,
I should never have stayed.
I hear the birds singing,
And the sound of the wind.
I soon becoming frightened,
I'm empty within.

It always seems,
I'm lost in a dream.
Behind all this fear,
I'm not what you seem
(Not what you seem)
Now as I lay me down,
I know I shall die.
Laying on my death bed,
I reach for the sky
(Reach for the sky).



2.COME BACK TO ME
I saw you everyday,
And never shared.
The fact I knew you,
The fact that I cared.
The accident happened,
Like a blinding light.
So young to die,
It just doesn't feel right.

Come back to me,
I need to say goodbye.
I can't conceal these tears,
As I reach for the sky.
Come back to me,
So much I want to say.
I just need to know,
Why you went away.

I never noticed,
You were alive.
And now that you're gone,
My emotions arrived.
The accident happened,
Like a blinding light.
So young to die,
It just doesn't feel right.

Overwhelming,
Fears in my head.
That my sorrows,
Will never be said.
I need you to know,
What you can't see.
That I care and I want you,
To come back to me.


3.DYING INSIDE
Always hiding,
Who I am.
Whenever I showed emotion,
I always ran.
Unable to confide,
Unable to trust.
I never walked through life,
I always rushed.
Never a word spoken,
I sat all alone.
When I was hurting,
It was never known.

Always hoping,
For a ribbon of light.
To fly through the window,
And brighten my night.
Unable to laugh,
Unable to survive.
It's such a battle,
To stay alive.
No one around,
To wipe my tears.
And sleepless nights,
Full of fears.

Life can seem,
A bumpy ride.
And sometimes I feel,
That I'm dying inside.
But I will cope,
I'll hope and I'll pray,
That I will be happy-
Sometime, someday.


4.WHEN YOU NEED ME
I've always loved you,
With all I have inside.
If I have a problem,
It's you in who I confide.
We were best friends,
Who turned into more.
I still get goosebumps,
When you walk through that door.

When you need me,
I'm always here.
Standing with open arms-
There's nothing to fear.
This love we have,
It feels so strong.
And nothing in the world,
Can make it seem wrong.

I've always loved you,
And I always will.
Whenever you're gone,
My time stands still.
I'd die if any harm,
Was inflicted on you.
I'm on my knees now,
Whispering our love's so true.

I've always loved you,
Since the day that we met.
Our first night together,
I'll never forget.
Whenever you smile,
My knees go weak.
I've found my endless love,
I no longer need to seek.

I really believe,
You are the one.
My moon, my stars,
My shining sun.
I hold your hand,
And through tears.
We remember,
All our loving years.
So many times ahead,
We'll be together.
When you need me,
I'll be here forever.


5.THIS IS ME
It always seems,
I can never be right.
I'll never be,
A pretty sight.
Behind my mask,
Behind that smile.
Lays someone who,
Hasn't been me for awhile.
But now I am,
Trully sick of hiding.
And in these words,
Are where I confide in.

This is me,
My mask has faded.
I look in the mirror,
Yet I am jaded.
This is me,
I must realise.
I need to open my mind,
And then my eyes.
For this is me.

It always seems,
I'm in the wrong.
I'm so sick of singing,
That morbid song.
Behind these walls,
Behind my life.
Lays an internal fear,
That cuts like a knife.
But now I am,
Trully sick of hiding.
And in these words,
Are where I confide in.

And I will pray,
Every single day.
Someone will hold my hand,
And wash my tears away.
I have insecurities,
I'm sick of hiding...
And I need someone
That I can confide in.

This is me,
I open myself to you.
Open your heart,
And let the warmth come through.
In a world where,
Acceptance is rare.
I just need somebody,
To care...

6.HAVE YOU EVER?
Have you ever 
Just wanted to breakdown and cry?
To just go to sleep
And hope you die?
Have you ever realised
You can never be-
The perfect child
That your parents see?
Or maybe you're just like me
You won't tell a soul
About the emptiness inside you
Like a gaping,wounded hole...

Have you ever thought 
You were out of place?
You look in the mirror
And shudder at the sight of your face
Have you imagined
That alcohol was your friend
And one more glass
Would make the hurt end
Or maybe you're just like me
It hurts to tell
If only you could see me...
If only you knew me well...


7.NICE & SLOW
Wrap your hands around my body,
Feel the bareness of my skin.
Naked bodies interluding,
You feel me deep within.
A tenderness you can't describe,
Touching all of me with your hands.
Exploring my naked body,
Like a stranger to sacred lands.

Kissing softly as we melt together,
And our burning flame becomes fire.
You know that we've passed beyond,
Our greatest known desires.
We're taking things nice and slow,
And it feels like heaven.
I love it when you give it to me me 
Lovin'  your touch twenty four / seven.


8.YEARNING
You have no idea
How you hurt me so,
I told you I cared
You pretended you didn't know.
I thought it was time
To say bye to heart-ache,
I never imagined
How easy I'd break.

I offered you
Another side I try to hide.
It isn't always easy
For me to confide.
Those three words,
Meant the world to me.
That side I hide-
You will never see.

Now you make it hard
For me to care,
I am so confused and bewildered
By your distant stare.
It has become clear
That my feelings have come to an end.
And now I'm yearning,
Because I lost a friend...


9.PERSONAL
You look into my eyes,
It comes as no suprise-
That I'm hiding behind that smile.
For inside my mind,
In a world unkind,
I haven't been honest for awhile.
You look into my eyes,
You hear my guilty lies-
That keeps me in the dark.
For inside my head,
The fire is dead,
Not a sole flickering spark.
I could tell you all my secrets-
But that's personal.

I have all these secrets,
That I keep inside.
And sometimes I think,
I trully must confide.
All these guilty pleasures,
Eating me away.
I'll put my heart in your hands,
And tell you my feelings today.
It's personal thoughts,
Running through my mind.
Personal thoughts,
Of the personal kind.


10.TWO
I've always wanted to know,
Why you were treated so well.
Because their double standards,
Made my life hell.
Whilst they watched you,
Like you were made of glass.
I pushed aside my emotions,
As my childhood passed.

We were two
But always treated as one.
Now look at me,
And what I've become.
No confidence,
To be on my own.
I sat in my room,
Confused and alone.
It was clear,
That we were two.
But it became evident,
They only saw you.

So then you went,
Let me finally shine.
But they were so sad,
They'd become blind.
Blind to the fact,
That I was sitting there.
Whispering to myself,
Why don't they care?

I will never be,
Who you are.
I've always wanted,
To be their shining star.
But you're the moon,
Stealing the light.
And I have learnt,
To give up the fight.


11.FOR YOU
I have cried for you,
And I have died for you.
Now for you,
I will do...
Anything you desire...
(You've set my soul on fire)

I don't get emotional much,
So take my words as true
I love you with my all,
I would do anything for you...
Just the scent of your hair
The touch of your skin.
It makes me feel
Like I'm complete within.
Just holding you near,
Just by holding your hand-
It wraps me up and takes me
To another land.
In a life of darkness,
You are all that I can see.
Cuz of you my clouds are gone,
And the sun shines down on me...


12.SHIMMERING MOON (STARCHILD)
Running through the dark
The branches clinging to my skin
Chasing the shimmering moon
I feel something deep within.
The cold air burning my soul
The stars staring a gaze
Through a twisted, haunted forest
Lost within the nightly haze.
With my eyes closed
I feel the call of the child
Wrapped up in a cold blanket
And left in the wild.
The soft cries of a child
Vividly emblazened in my mind
A tear of undeniable joy
Of what I finally find
A child of the wilderness
A child of the shimmering moon
I take her into my arms
And hope her mother appears soon
Amongst the hollow reeds
Of a nearby river of fire
Appears the spiritdancer
Who enraptures all my desire.
As the child quivers in my arms
I see the moon shimmer from afar
And the evening's saphire mist
Turns the child into a star.
This starchild watches over us
You can see her in the sky
Just open up your heart
And let your spirit fly...


13.OUTSIDER
Sitting in the dark
A distant light appears
It seems to be the place
I can hide my fears.
I fear that I'm someone
Who lives on the outside
Someone all alone
With no one to confide.
In this cold dark room
Hiding growing pains
The darkness overwhelmes me
And outside it gently rains.
Sometimes I feel as if
The rain is drowning me
Just cast a light my way
And see my insecurity.


14.YOU'RE WITH ME NOW  (IN MY HEART)
Sitting by my window in the the dark
I softly hear your whispers echoeing through my mind
Speaking loving words and soft spoken fears
Of a love that treats us kind.
Miles of distance and heartache between us
Couldn't prevent our hearts to touch
And even though you aren't here in my arms
I've never loved someone else so much.
You've given me the wonderful gift of love
My love for you has no doubt
Because you are the only person
Who's made me feel beautiful, inside and out.
Every thought of you brings a smile to my face
You make me feel like the swan in your lake
You invade my every thought as I sleep at night
And kiss my face when I'm awake.
I know that you're here with me
And I love you just so much
I am enraptured by your living soul
I can almost feel your touch.


15.MOTHER'S HERE...
Can't you see me crying
Can't you feel my pain?
It hurts just to say the words...
I'll never be the same...

In a world like this I need love
And you weren't there for me
You saw me as just your burden
But there's more than that to see.
I have so much to offer
But you never seemed to see
Sometimes I need someone to hold
There's so much pain in me.

In a life of insecurity
I sit and write this poem
And as the tears roll from my eyes
Once again you are not home.
Shaken with fear and sadness
I cry beyond these walls
And inside my frail soul
A wandering heart calls.

Couldn't you see me crying?
Would it have hurt to hold me near?
To become a father like you
Would be my greatest fear.


16.FOR YOU
My father always told me
That dreams don't come true
But I knew he was lying
The day that I spoke to you.
It was an instant connection
A love which I couldn't deny
If I said this love didn't scare me
That would be a lie.
For I am not the kind of person
To feel such love for another
It's not such a thing
I thought I'd soon discover.
For you have opened my heart
Made me feel this love
An emotion that takes over me
Something from above.
If we should finally touch
My dreams would come true
And as I sit from afar
My every thought - it is for you.


17.ONE AND A HALF
We were born as two people
Who weren't really the same
Now all the pain is overtaking you
And I feel that I am to blame.
I had all the faith in life
Whilst yours was taken away
Pain, death and vanishing dreams
Darkened your everyday.
I watched from a far
As you tried to hide the tears
There's been so much pain
In your growing years.
I know that life is hard
That you can't go on much longer
But I know pain
It only makes us stronger.
If only we went back to times
That we were two
When there were things
That we could both do.
I long for the days
That you'd cradle my fears
We'd rest upon eachother
And share our tears.
But we've grown up
You've had a hard life
It hurts to watch you suffer
It cuts me like a knife.
So as I sit from a distance
Watch you fade away
Just know I love you
I will say it, I will one day.


18.STANDING TALL
The nights are cold
And the days are long
And sometimes it's hard
To keep going strong
I won't drown in sorrow
I won't sit and cry
the day that I stop fighting
will be the day that i die.
I can fight pain and anger
of a life that tests us all
and after all this heart-ache
I'll be standing tall


19.BEFORE ME
Seeing your picture
Isn't the same
It doesn't stop my thinking
Or stop the pain.
I always wonder
What was beyond that smile
I haven't been loved
For quite awhile.
Maybe if you hadn't gone
Before I had arrived
Maybe I would
Have surely survived.
In a life of uncertainty
I wonder if you were for sure
Not another one I'd see
Walk out that door.
For you plainly died
Before I was born
And a missed opportunity
That I often scorn.
Maybe my life
Would be a little less lonely
If you had the chance
To get and know me.


20.YOUR LOVE
When my path seemed dark
I envisioned you
It enlightened me       
To guide me through
I never had a reason
To walk this way
Until you brought hope
Into my day
It always seemed to be
A winding road
And the light at the end
It never showed
Until you came down
An angel in disguise
A woman of beauty
Before my eyes
I fell in love
With the beauty within you
The adoring bond
That forever grew
Your love has taken away
The darkness in me
Your love's given me strength
For the paths lead to happiness for me.


21.YOU DON'T KNOW
Don't dare judge me
You'll never realise
How I see the world
Through my eyes.
I'm adjusted to pain
It rules my mind
A life unpredictable
A life unkind.
For if I tend to be rude
Don't let go
Just hold me tight
There's some thing you don't know.
A selfish exterior
That hides how I feel
It numbs the pain
Makes it somewhat surreal.
Don't misunderstand me
Words fail to capture
A cold and uncaring world
My soul seems to enrapture.

22.Your Love
When my path seemed dark
I envisioned you
It enlightened me       
To guide me through
I never had a reason
To walk this way
Until you brought hope
Into my day
It always seemed to be
A winding road
And the light at the end
It never showed
Until you came down
An angel in disguise
A woman of beauty
Before my eyes
I fell in love
With the beauty within you
The adoring bond
That forever grew
Your love has taken away
The darkness in me
Your love's given me strength
For the paths lead to happiness for me.

23.You Let Me Fly
I will always remember our friendship
It was like a gift from the start
The way that you made days bearable
You soothed my yearning heart
That aching feeling we all desire
That feeling that we really belong
You gave me the courage to soar
Your friendship has made me strong.
You give me strength, you let my fly
As I spread my wings and discover
That I should always appreciate you
As one friend to another
We've shared all the laughter
And there has even been the tears.
But you will always be in my thoughts
Wherever I go and whatever I do
Because friendship to me lasts forever
I'll always be a part of you
So when life seems too hard to live
And all you can feel is fear
Just close your eyes and think of me
Inside your heart, I am always near.

24.The Truth
You may look into my soul
And see nothing there
Just a plastic fading smile
And a cold, icy stare
You may speak to me
And all you see is a guy
Who lives a fantasy
Who lives in a lie
But let the truth be known
There's more to me
Than you could discover
That you could possibly see...
Don't try reading my mind
Or analysing how I feel
I know love, hate and pain
I know what is real
I have learnt from mistakes
And watched others cry
I have sat in the dark alone
And dread the day that I die
Behind my cool gaze
Behind my misleading smile
Is a fragile, wounded soul
Who hasn't been held for awhile.
The truth hurts too much
I'd rather live in a lie
I will die with my secrets
Lonely, until I die.

25.Needful Things
We all need the touch
The touch of another
The whispering illicits
Of a smouldering lover.
The warmth and desire
Of unspoken fears
A pleasurable throb
That brings one to tears.
These needful things
We all try to confide
Just open your arms
And let me inside.
Passion is weakness
Give yourself to me
Cry out my name 
And you shall see.
Such needful things
Feelings so deep
A bewildering emotion
That we long to keep.
For one single moment
Where we reach a peak
Many hurt and steal
So they can seek.
Such needful things
Weakness and sin
We all need it
We're empty within.

26.There's Something Between Us
I know that I have found love
That you are the one I need
But what if we shall never meet
My dreams can't always succeed.
There's something between us
This I can never deny
And I will always love you
But we are living in a lie.
Our desperate hearts weaken us
They give us false dreams
In a world so fake and cold
Nothing is what it seems.
There's love between us
And distance that keeps us afar
But I will always see over you
Like that distant , blinding star
I know that to love you
I must let go of you tonight
Even though we were born soulmates
Such heartache it isn't right.

27.These Words
Please don't read this words and think
That I have had a life of heartache and pain
For some never experience what I have
Their life is always flooded by rain.
I see sunlight in my eyes everyday
I appreciate everything that's within my soul
I look at all the things that I have
When life has taken it's toll.
For I can not complain about my gifts
I can not feel sorry for myself any longer
God has granted me these challenges
And they only make me stronger.
I will live life with all that I have
And never lower my head in shame
Because whilst I live a sun-lit life,
For some there's always rain.
Please don't misjudge these words
That lie within my mind
I can not feel pity upon myself
Life has treated me kind.
I have family and friends around me
I have somewhat perfect health
I don't have troubles with heartache
Or any underlying worries of wealth.
These words are just symbolism
Of emotions that I feel
And I know I can't deny my feelings
What I write is real.
Just please don't misjudge these words
Words can't expressive how I live
I feel that I have little to offer
And poetry is how I give.

28.Drifting
As we sit there at night
We reach a dazey state of mind
A kind of heavenly gaze
That we don't often find
I see you rise from the ground
Like an angel in the sky
I spread out my arms
And we suddenly begin to fly
We laugh like there's no tomorrow
As we reach for the moon
We hold hands and soar
And hope this doesn't end soon
Two people in love
Drifting upon the night
The distant, shimmering moon
Casting us some light
From a distance wind howls
And the moon softly sings
Nursery rhymes and sweet sublimes
As we spread our wings
I sweep you in my arms
You feel as light as a feather
We reach upon the stars
And we begin to endeavour
I throw a handful of stars
Scattering as they hit her
Her body painted 
With a sparkling silver glitter
You smile sweetly
As you blow a star my way
And you sit on the moon crest
And ask of me to stay 
I rest there in your arms
Watching the world below
If only we could stay here forever
But soon we'd have to go.
Our vision goes blurry
Our wings suddenly disappear
You look at me confused
And I say there's nothing to fear
This drifting feeling
It only lasts for awhile
You sit there watching the stars
With your drifting smile.

29.Are You Watching Me?
I know we were never close
I wasn't one in who you'd confide
But that doesn't mean
I wasn't sad when you died.
On the outside I stayed strong
It seems I still try not to cry
But your time had come
And you had to fly.
I know that God took you
For a reason we'll never know
But are you watching me?
Will our friendship ever grow?
Maybe it will one day
When my time comes near
You'll be my friend
Tell me there's nothing to fear.
For death scares me
Yet I find solace that you can see
Please just give me a sign
Are you watching me?

30.I'll Be Here
I've fallen in love with you
And my heart never breaks
So I'll stay with you
For whatever it takes.
I take good with bad
But it's always good with you
You make me happy
Like no else can do.
I'll be here for you
With warmth and security
Just follow your heart
It will lead to me.
I've been reluctant to feel
This way about another
But I feel a bond between us
You're my soul mate, my lover.
I'll be here for you
And I would give my all
To hold you and comfort you
Whenever you call.

31.Always Forever
They love is hard
And sex is easy
But you've always known
Just how to please me
A warm body
To hold through the night
Made it seem alright
Made it seem right
But let's face the truth
Let's face reality
I'm bad for you
And you're no good for me
And always, forever
I'll hold something for you
But I can't pretend
My feelings are true
Friends until the end
I'll always be here
I'll always protect you
Forever, my dear.

32.Perfection/Destruction
We all want to be loved
But all want the perfect wife
The white picket fences
The tall, blonde wife
Insecurities aside
We go for what we want
And not what we need
We compete against eachother
Leave others to bleed
The search for perfection
Destructing what's inside
We never expect life to be
A rollercoaster ride
So we go on like naive children
In search for that red sports car
The pool table and pool
The gym set and the spa
But materialism may please
But it doesn't know
If you don't nurture your soul
It just won't grow.
You've heard them say
The best things in life are free
But today we must be burnt
Before we finally see
Money can buy material items
But never another
And a pile of money can never
Keep you warm like a lover.

33.Interlude
Lose your inhibitations, come with me
I will see how you're working within
Slip into your fantasy and close your eyes
As you feel the softness of my skin.
Run your hands all over my body
With that way I can't describe
We keep it rolling on and on 
You know it feels so good inside.
Open arms and midnight interludes
Something you can not fight
Wrap me in your loving arms
Please me throughout the night.
Don't tell me your name just hold me
Just rapture me with all your might
As we melt into the lurking shadows
As you caress me by candlelight.
As you walk away that rainy eve
You leave me with a yearning desire
Your scorching touch
Has set my body on fire.
I sprawl myself across the bed
Thinking of you as I endeavour
I whisper sweetly your explicit words
As I relive all the pleasure.

34.I Am Free 
Too many people
Trying to bring me down
But I don't have time for them
I won't be around.
I look after myself
I like being alone
I won't be saddened
If nobody is home.
I am free from people
No more tearing me apart
This is a new life
This is the start.
No more dark days
All I'll have is sun
I have become proud
Of what I have become.
My life is better
For I plainly see
I like who I am
Because I am free.


(C)1998